"Macon Maiden, out."
==Skipper Jokes==
Leaving the dock...
I'm your Jungle Cruise skipper today. You know the difference between a Captain and a Skipper, don't you? The Captain goes down with the ship........
Wave at all the people on the dock.... 'cause you may never see 'em again. Of course, you've never seen 'em before, so you aren't gonna miss anything.
We're in the Amazon in South America, where things grow larger than life, such as the butterflies on our left and on our right. Their wingspans grow from 12 inches to a whopping 1 foot! Pretty big now, isn't it!
I'd like to point out some the exotic plants here. <pointing> There's one.... and there's one.... there's another one......
Coming up to deserted pygmy village....
Up ahead we're supposed to have a pygmy welcome party here to greet us. If you've never been to a pygmy welcome party, well let me tell you, it's one of the most absolutely...... deadest parties you'll ever go to. (passing the canoes) I don't know... I can't see 'em... canoe?
Gee, something must've scared 'em off. Wonder what it could've been... (seeing the python) OH! Goodness snakes alive! (nervously) Oh, oh... that's a python. Must be 24 ft. long and can eat up to 2 small children whole!! (looking at little kids) Yeah, they're friendly creatures out here.. because they can't get a crush on you.
Approaching trashed campsite....
Hey... wait a minute... that's my camp. I Congo home now! Kinda looks like gorilla warfare. And that's not funny... (pointing to jeep which is upside down) See my jeep? I had a little trouble getting it started this morning, but I don't know how they got it to turn over... oh well.
Hey, we're on the Nile and the Nile is over 4,000 miles. It goes for miles and miles and miles... and if you don't believe me... you're in de-nile!
Approaching safari.....
Well we've got another law in the jungle called survival of the fastest. See the low man on that totem poll? I told him that even though a rhinoceros weighs 2.5 tons, he can't outrun 'em. Oh, but I guess he'll get that point in the end.
There's danger around every corner here in the jungle.... and when you've been in the jungle as long as I have, aahh you begin to smell.... danger... not me! Oh no... not me......
This is crocodile country. These are 2 of our oldest here in the river... Smiley & Ginger. Smiley... he's over a hundred years old. Just likes to lay around the beach and wait for a hand out. You've gotta be careful around Ginger.... she doesn't bite, but she does snap.
Approaching falls....
We have other dangers like monsoons, rapids.. WATERFALLS! Everybody on this side, ya wanna lean in! (looking at other side of boat) You guys... jump out. Lean in! Lean in! C'mon... please.... Dive, dive.....
Passing crashed plane....
Well, this is how I landed my job here. Kinda plane to see. I took the crash course. Oh, by the way, I do offer a crash course in flying, if any of you would like to sign up if...er, when we get back.
Passing thru hippo pool... looking at passenger in back....
Oh, I'm sorry. Didja get a little bit wet? I betcha thought it was water too... well it'snot.....
Approaching native village.....
Uh-oh... this is not a good sign. When we shot to scare off the hippos, it also alerted the natives. And when they dance around in circles like this, it can only mean one thing... this is a bad place to be headed!
For those of you in the back, if you get an arrow, take it out... otherwise you'll be stuck with it....
Secret bathing pool of the Indian elephants.....
It's ok to stare, by the way... they've got their trunks on...
Hey look everybody! It's Chief Nammie! He's your head salesman here in the jungle. As you can see, business has been shrinking a little lately. He's got a great deal goin' on....2 of his heads for one of yours. Any takers? Aw c'mon! No matter what the size, you come out ahead! You know the old saying... 2 heads are better than 1 !
At the safari in tree....
That guy on the bottom.... that's my friend Ohantas. If he doesn't watch out, that rhino will poke Ohantas!
Going into the temple....
This could lead us to more danger. This could lead to a dead end. Or.... it might be like everything else, and lead us to another gift shop!
==Fun Facts and Trivia==
